Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Why Nothing Can Ever Be Simple

[I want everyone to know that I had this completely written out and the save button lied, so all my clever quips had to be replaced by not so clever quips.  Creativity can run out.  And what's there now is nothing like what I wrote the first time.  That is all.]

Remember the witch in the story of Hansel and Gretel?  She lured them to her gingerbread house, stuffed them with sweets until they were fattened, them cooked them up and ate them.  This past Halloween, I was that witch.  It's what happens when a baker celebrates Halloween.
I made three kinds of cookies: gingerbread, chocolate, and basic sugar cookies.  All accounted for, this meant about a hundred cookies, the preparing of which was spread out over a few nights.  Decorating them took over four hours on its own.  Was it worth it?  You tell me.

I didn't really have Halloween-y cutters.  I had a few animals, some tools, ninjas, and a mustache.  Mom sent me some ghosts and a wolf/cat/bear cutter just in the nick of time.  (Thanks, Mom!)  There had to be a way to make these sufficiently Halloween-y.  These are some of my "normal" attempts.  

...eh.  Pretty basic.  With a hundredish cookies, sometimes you have to be.  But I'm not a simple person.  I have to do things differently.  Or something.  These were just too cute.  I like puppies just as much as the next person, more so, even, but with something as tempting as animal cookies for Halloween, I can't just leave them so...ordinary.  I tried to be good.  I tried to be normal.  Instead, I got creative.  My macabre side (which isn't very hidden) came out in full.  I worried about what my roommates would think.

I also worried if I might be excommunicated or reported to the proper authorities.  Is this normal?  The frog is practically vomiting gore.  Those tools were clearly weapons of murder.  The butterfly is made of anatomically-correct bloody phalanges.  (Not the one in the picture--a different one.)  The cow is a carcass.  The chicken will feast on your soul.  There was another certain cookie, but it was too bad for even me, and I had it taken care of promptly.

I have to wonder about my sanity sometimes.  Do I have too much fun?  I once made a Christmas cookie look like Frankenstein's monster.  A Christmas cookie.  It was a basic pine tree, but with a bloody gash held together by sprinkle stitches.
I suppose it's time to admit I have a problem.  A delicious, high-calorie problem.  And I enjoy every minute of it.

P.S.  Ignore the unfortunate ghost at the bottom of the picture.  Sometimes cheap-o plastic baggies just can't handle piping.


Emily said...

Oh. My.

The bloody hammer.... that's the one that got me. I mean, what did you DO with the hammer?

What did people say????

Barefoot Yaya said...

These are so amazing! Very creative using the hammer and saw. Love the cat/werewoof idea.

I think my favorites are the chicken, cow and butterfly skeletons. Did you have to look up the skeletal images or do you...just...know...already.

The google eye frog and ghosts are pretty sweet too. I think it was worth the four hours of decorating!

Barefoot Yaya said...

...and I have to know. What was the cookie that was even too bad for you???!!!

Emily said...

Yeah, I am way curious about the "cookie that shall not be named".

And for the love all cookies, will you please take the word verification off your blog comments? I'm dying.

Emily said...

Oooh! You should make "Word Verification Cookies." That would really freak people out.

Start with 6B leDiscr.

(I think that's what mine is this time.....)

Superninja said...

Emily: I can think of a few things to do with a hammer... I also didn't know about the word verification bit, so I think I have that taken care of now--thanks for the notice.

Yaya: I did have to look up the skeletons. That's why some look different, because I looked them up mid-decorating. Unfortunately, I can't disclose the cookie. You will feel as though you've failed as a parent.

Emily said...

I keep staring at the hammer but I can't come up with anything scarier than a hammer. Maybe I'm too young to know the truth.

AmandaLou said...

You can disclose the cookie to your worldly sister right? I mean, come on...